(not) FICTIONAL stories about real life
Once upon a time in the forest city there lived a Hare. I must say that our Hare is not a typical forest character. He is not one of those stupid hares who run around the woods without work. Not at all! Our Hare is a goal-oriented beast of about 25 years old, who works as a sales manager in a wholesale company that sells lemons.
The Hare lives in a sleeping area of the Forest City N, goes to work with a 5/2 schedule, plays computer games in the evenings, sometimes visits a disco in the middle of the forest city. In a word, he lives the usual provincial life of a working hare. Not worse than all, but in fact even better than many.
One Friday evening, our Hare is sitting with a friend in a bar at the crossroads of the zuLenina and LiSovetskaya streets. They drink bitter cheap drink on hop-cones and our Hare says:
— “Look, Jack, we are normal hares, two arms, two legs, a tail, ears are sleek.” Isn’t it?
— Well, so what? — Jack answers, already slightly drunken voice.
— We work as well as anyone, we grow up the career ladder, tearing claws all day long at this job. And what’s the point? We always haven’t got enough money, work-home-work-home. The same thing for so many years in a row. Sadness and senseless stupid…
— What do you mean Johnny? I look at you, and I can not understand. Who you were when you have you come to our company?
You were a regular worker, harvesting lemons . Only three years have passed, and who are you already? MANAGER, big gun! And that means, you don’t breaking the back on the plantations of lemon. You sit around in the office, make other hares do the dirty work, coordinate the delivery of our products to the neighboring forests. Well, there are problems sometimes. Like in that month, when dealers drew from the African forest, and the prices for lemons collapsed, some of the clients went to that rogues. Of course it’s unpleasant. In general, it is not dusty and stable work. Besides earnings are higher than average. Compare at least with those hedgehogs that sweep the yards. Eternally grimy and they are our language almost don’t know. This is the work the enemy does not wish. We can’t to complain about our job!
— Yes, of course if you compare with hedgehogs, then our life is sweet! But why should we compare our lives with them? Let’s better compare with life of Wolves! Here are the kings of life! At best, we and we earn five hundred per week, and they … Count yourself: our Wolf has 20 hare worker. Each hare tears 500 kilos of lemons every week. It is ten tons every week. Lemons in the market goes on a dollar per kilo. It turns out the revenue of ten thousand. Just think about it! TEN THOUSAND bucks per week!
Let’s count expenses:
The the salary each of 20 hares-worker is two hundreds. It is four thousands.
Plus our salary is a thousand.
Well, office, telephone, office little things, water for the cooler.
It turns out that our Wolf takes at least FOUR THOUSAND every week!
— But what does he do? — Johnny continued . — Growls, scambag, all day on us, that we do not fulfill the plan, running back and forth. He goes to woodpeckers somewhere in the state funds, goes to the Bank to Turkeys for a reason, and drink tea with the Owl our accountant … In short, Jack, I’ll tell you what: we know everything here. We worked in plantations, and now we communicate with clients. We will be able to work without the Wolf. How do you like the idea of getting two thousands eash, instead of the lousy five hundreds?
— Well, I do not know … Although maybe you are right!
Jack began to feel boldness. He increasingly liked the idea of Jhonny about independent work.
Maybe it was the alcohol, which is already drunk a lot. Maybe Jack is tired of getting his 500 ones from paycheck to payday, and constantly borrowing money from a moneylender woodpecker becouse he can’t pay his rent on time and give a payment for a loan. Maybe he remembered his hare-girlfriend with a pink bow, who recently was offended, that he can’t buy her a new model of BannyFon. In any case, Jack was more and more interested in the idea of Jhonny.
It looked simple, they had long seen what was being done, and they clearly could have created the same company as well as the Wolf.
And most importantly, we do not have to constantly listen his claims. Only pros and no problems.
Jack suddenly raised his ears and focused his drunken eyes on the dancing animals.
— Wwwwoooooooowwwww! Listen, our song has played, let’s go to the dance floor !!! Ehhhhuuuuu !!!
Hares jumped out onto the dance floor, where already dancing awesome young Chicks in miniskirts. Hares began to dance merrily to their favorite music: «Fuck them all…»